March is a month of regeneration, rejuvenation, and rebirth. A complete about-face in our daily routine is not necessary in order to experience a sense of renewal; as I recently told a fellow gym member; there are those who make excuses and those who make opportunities. Small adjustments to your everyday pattern, on a regular basis, can mean the difference between being down in the dumps and feeling you are super sexy!

If you have any questions about your romantic relationship, dating or sex life, send them to me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Please include your age and where you are writing in from. All names are kept in the strictest of confidence, and all submitted material is considered for publication. 

Dear Letty,

My husband loves when I wear sexy lingerie but I always feel so self-conscious. How can I get over this (or do I even NEED to)?

Frightened Fishnets (39 years old)

Dear FF,

I am glad you added the ‘or do I even NEED to’ to your question, as this signals to me that you are open-minded about the possibilities out there for you. Here’s what is most likely going on -- your husband has a lingerie fetish. Fetishes (paraphilia) usually involve a nonliving object which is the focus for sexual excitement, in your man’s case it is lingerie. A person with a fetish will usually masturbate with the object and men may experience erectile dysfunction if there is the absence of the fetish. Fetishes, in general, are not unhealthy, unless they are adversely affecting the sexlife of one, or both, of the people involved in the relationship.

Your husband may have taken to masturbating to Victoria’s Secret catalogs or bra-and-panty ads in the newspaper when he was an adolescent, or there may have been one specific moment that made him connect lingerie with sex. Whatever the case may be, fetishisms tend to be chronic once developed, and what that means is that he will always be turned on by lingerie, which is great news for you, because you could be having one of your most ‘I feel so bloated, my hair looks like crap’ days and as long as you drop your robe and are wearing a lacy teddy, your man will be pitching a tent in his boxer-briefs.

Dear LL,

I’m currently dating a guy 12 years younger than me, (I’m 42, he’s 30) and I’m getting a lot of grief from my family about it. How can I get them to keep their mouths shut for once?!

Criticized Cougar (42 years old)

Dear CC,

First off – you go girl! Next, the answer to your question – you can’t (get them to shut their cumulative yap)! Okay, I won’t leave you with that; here is some food for thought. Your family is going to have something to say, whether it be good or bad, if you let them in on what you are doing in your dating life. So, when the fling with this guy fizzles and you hook up with another hot, young slab of Grade-A beef, don’t say anything to them. Just sit at the dinner table with a satisfied ‘cat that swallowed the canary’ grin and let them use their imaginations.

Dear LL,

I just started a new birth control pill and it’s totally wiped out my sex drive. Do you have any advice on how to get it back?

Devoid Diva (36 years old)

Dear Double D,

Your new pill may have a higher dose of estrogen and your body is reacting adversely to it. After a few weeks, your system may adjust to the dosage and you will feel your sexy again. However, if you do not, go back to your doctor and explain the situation to her and she will likely be able to make an adjustment that will get your mojo flowing again.

Dearest LL,

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and he was recently transferred across the country. I like him a lot but is it worth it to keep the relationship going? I mean, have long-distance relationships EVER worked?

All Alone (44 years old)

Dear Double A,

I am going to begin at the end of your question and work my way to the front. That being said, here we go – In my many years of working on relationships with individuals, and couples, from around the world I have heard of a good number of long-distance relationships working out.

Now, what do you mean by “worked,” when you asked “have LDRs ever worked”? Does that infer ‘happily ever after – white picket fence, 2.3 children and a dog named Chester’? Or does it mean that you two spend some quality time doing things that make you feel all gooey inside. There are many ways that a relationship can work, ways that do not mean, or last, a lifetime.

Lastly, do I think that this specific case will ‘work’? No. You may be asking yourself why? Well, I’ll tell you. You opened your query with a loose term for the type of romantic relationship you are, or were, engaging in with the man. Then when given the opportunity to describe the depth of your emotions for him, you opted for “I like him a lot.” If a relationship that is geographically undesirable (that’s what the industry term for it is) is going to have any chance at an extended shelf life there needs to be passion. And sorry to tell you, but ‘I like him a lot’ does not have one iota of passion in it. If you were to say that you are crazy about him, or that the sex was ridiculously hot, or even, that you love him; I would say that it would be worth cashing in some of those saved up frequent flier miles, in order to find out if it could work. Alas, my dear, there is no zeal, no gusto, no passion. So give him a call, let him know what I said, wish him well and move on.

Dear LL,

I’m an attractive woman in my mid-thirties who’s having some trouble meeting new men to date. I feel like everyone in my life has tried to fix me up with someone and it never works out. I’ll stay with a guy for a few months and then we break up for one reason or another. It’s starting to really get to me. Am I heading for a life alone?

Sole Sista (30-something)

Dear SS,

Hold on, don’t go out and get a dozen cats and stop cutting your toenails just yet. It sounds like you need to get into some new circles, be it social, intellectual, sporting, political, or volunteering. We all radiate energy and women with low, or negative, energy don’t attract men. How do I know that you have that type of energy? It is because of the tone of your entire email to me. You need to discover some untapped talents and present interesting challenges to yourself.

When you begin to set and attain goals you’ll feel successful, and when you feel successful you radiate positive energy. Join some new classes. Do some of those things that you said you wanted to do but never cared enough about yourself to make them a priority. You are vital, vibrant and vivacious. You just need to recharge that energy with some new stimuli. In the process you will come into contact with likeminded men and when you begin to feel good about yourself you can decide whom you want to challenge you next.

Letty Livingston is an internationally acclaimed sexpert, dating coach and relationship counselor.  Let Letty help you with your: dating dexterity, communication skills with men, sexual confidence, romantic relationship, and overall appeal to the opposite sex. Send in your questions about dating, sex or romantic relationships to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , along with your age. No attachments. All submissions are considered for publication and names are kept confidential.

© 2008 Letty Livingston *Elements for a Healthy Lovelife is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.

Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://blog.myspace.com/lettylivingston