If you have any questions about your romantic relationship, dating or sex life, send them to me at
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. Please include your age and where you are writing in from. All names are kept in the strictest of confidence, and all submitted material is considered for publication.
Dear Letty,
Last week my teenage daughter asked me if she could go on birth control. After a minor heart attack, or two, I said okay. But is this the right thing to do? I want her to be responsible but I don’t want her to think this is the go-ahead to have sex with any guy she wants.
Hither Dither
Dear HD,
Why would you okay something so serious and then vacillate in secret about your decision? Take a cue from your daughter and communicate with her. Birth control is not an open-season sign for adolescents to have sex. It is a precaution against unwanted pregnancy. If your daughter felt she could trust you enough to ask you about the birth control, you should trust her enough to speak to her about her thoughts on promiscuity.
Know where she stands on the subject and have an unfettered dialog about your thoughts, her views, current trends that you may not be aware of, and what dangers lurk out in the real world. There is SO much going on in the teen sex-scene that you have no idea about and I’m sure that it’d make your head spin. So, put your seatbelt on and get your best poker-face prepared for when you open this can of worms. The subject needs to be broached and the channels for communication about the topic must remain open.
Dear LL,
My husband and I divorced a year ago and I just started dating a coworker. We’ve only gone on a few dates, but he seems like a terrific guy. Problem is I have a 13-year-old son and I’m not sure how he’s going to feel about me dating. Is it wrong for me to be dating behind his back?
Newly-Ex
Dear NE,
The first thing you did wrong was beginning a romance with a coworker. Next -- your son is not “the man in your life,” you are not cheating on him with the new guy. He is going to have to deal with you having sexual needs, as you can bet that he is already developing his own. You are going to have to realize that you are about to venture into new territory with your relationship with your teenager.
This is a great opportunity for you to initiate dialogue with him about romantic relationships. Honesty and openness is great, however, keep in mind that he does not have to know every detail about what you do between the sheets, and that includes his knowing about each partner. Though his mother may be a MILF, the last thing he needs to think is that mommy is shopping around for new daddies. By that, I mean you have to maintain a perspective which views dating as a social and romantic activity in which one can engage in without the pressure of finding everlasting love as the result.
Dear Letty,
I recently found out that the man I’ve been seeing for a month already has a girlfriend! He told me that he wants to be with me, but she’s an emotional wreck and the only reason he’s still with her is so she doesn’t do something crazy. Am I being naïve to think we have a chance together?
Rose-Colored Glasses
Dear RCG,
Yes! Get out now before you devote one more iota of emotion to this cheater. If he cheats on her with you, he will eventually get bored of you and have some other girl thinking the only reason he is staying with you is because he doesn’t want you to do something crazy. The only crazy thing you could do, at this point, would be to keep seeing this guy.
Dear LL,
I need major help, Letty! I met and married my husband in college, and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other! Fast-forward 5 years and we’re the proud parents of two very active young children and too exhausted at the end of the day to even kiss goodnight! What can I do to get things hot and heavy again?
Stranger in the Night
Dear SN,
“Too exhausted… to even kiss goodnight” That sounds like a load of crap. Nobody is too tired to kiss a person that they are hot for. It sounds like someone seriously needs a date night in their schedule. It can be a once a month thing, or more often if you can afford the time and babysitter’s fees. And to tide you over be more touchy-feely with your partner: Kiss more often, sit on his lap, sleep naked, give him oral sex in the morning, have him jump in the shower with you. Not having sex is just a bad habit that needs breaking. So, conscientiously, and on a daily basis, go about taking the steps to get the romance flowing between you again.
Dear Letty,
Can having sex when I’m pregnant actually hurt the baby?
Poppin’ Stuff
Dear PS,
Pregnant sex is HOT! I absolutely loved having sex all the way up until the day my water broke. There is more vaginal lubricating going on, and your genital area is plumped up and hypersensitive allowing for the possibility of extra orgasmic action. What’s not to love?
Have no fear, my dear, your bambina is perfectly safe, as there is a thick mucus plug which seals the cervix shut and stops your man’s penis from banging baby in the head. Your uterine muscles along with the amniotic sac also aid in safeguarding your baby.
Of course there are some people who should not have sex while prego: Those with a history of miscarriage or premature delivery, placenta previa, if her water has already broken (duh!), bleeding, or if her doctor or midwife has advised otherwise. It is always best to ask your healthcare provider if you are good to go. They will probably have some 411 for you too.
Dear LL,
I love being a mother but sometimes I feel like it’s all my partner sees when he looks at me. How can I get him to stop thinking of me as Mom, and start thinking of me as the sexy woman he fell in love with?
Wonder Woman
Dear WW,
Role play is a great way to break out of a rut and introduce some soft-core kink to a wrinkle-free sex-life. Short skits or even the idea of a scene, with each of you assuming your role, can lead to some steamy scenarios. You can mix in a bit of costuming to add to the fantasy or a blindfold so he can’t see you as Mom and will have to rely on his other senses to become reacquainted with your smoldering alter ego.
We all have so many facets to who we are. Ensure that you never become one dimensional. Keep him on his toes by making sure that you keep each of the wonderful women you are at the ready to surface and interface with him. Men don’t get us because of this ability. Don’t lose it because you are in the role of Mom for the majority of your waking hours. You may be Mom during the day but you can be Wonder Woman with a whip at night.
Letty Livingston is an internationally acclaimed sexpert, dating coach and relationship counselor. Let Letty help you with your: dating dexterity, communication skills with men, sexual confidence, romantic relationship, and overall appeal to the opposite sex. Send in your questions about dating, sex or romantic relationships to
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© 2008 Letty Livingston *Elements for a Healthy Lovelife is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.
Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://blog.myspace.com/lettylivingston
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