Summer has ended and the autumn is settling in, allowing us time to get in our best shape for the coming holiday season. Sure, we first need to get the kids back into school and have to get the sweaters out of storage, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when, all of a sudden, it is time to go to the grocery store and buy a turkey.  No matter how hectic your schedule, there is always a bit of time to stop and take a few deep breaths. It can do wonders for your psyche and it will help you regroup and keep your stress levels down. This, in turn, can help you manage your weight, because when we stress we pack on the inches. So, take a moment to relax and read the latest EHLL column.

If you have any of your own questions about dating, sex, or relationships send them in to me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , and include your age. I will be posting my “best of” answers in an upcoming edition so keep those questions coming and stay posted!

Dear Letty,

My 40 year old boyfriend is a musician. He’s constantly surrounded by much younger groupies. I know he’s faithful, but I still get jealous. What gives?

Green-Eyed Monster (38)

Dear GEM,
Are you jealous, like – throw the couch out the window, jealous? Or is it more pangs of anxiety that eventually pass, jealous? If it is the former, get some help via a good therapist and get a new couch. If it is the latter, it is natural. Musicians have a reputation for sleeping with groupies and groupies have a reputation for getting naked for musicians, so the jealous pangs are expected.

I am glad you didn’t ask what you can do about it, because in that situation, there really is nothing to do. Either deal with it or change it. If all is good in the relationship and the jealousy is manageable, then keep at it, sista.
LL

Dear Letty,

I waited to have sex until I was 22, and I stayed with the guy for 4 years. I’m 26 now, and we recently broke up, and I’m really trying to make up for lost time with my dating. How can I be more adventurous, without getting too slutty?

Ready 4 More

Dear LL,

I love the glamour treatment: facials, jewelry, couture clothes, everything. Problem is, sometimes I use sex to get my husband to pay for it! Should I feel bad about this?

Guilty as Charged (27)

Dear GAC,
We usually feel bad about things that we know we are doing wrong. It is not for me to say what is right and what is wrong in your relationship, but if you are left feeling guilty about using sex to acquire material things, then perhaps you may need to take a look at the way in which you relate with your man.

He may enjoy the fact that you give him pleasure in exchange for money, goods and services. If you think about it, it is the way most premarital relationships work. So, for him, the dynamic between you and he may be beneficial because it maintains the “chase and reward” element that exists in dating.

You might want to have a chat with him and see if he ever thinks about it. If he doesn’t and it is a non-issue, don’t feel bad. If he does and it is a turn-on, keep at it. If he shares your feelings, talk about ways of augmenting the method in which you show affection for each other and look at it as an opportunity to take your relationship to another level.
LL

Dear LL,

Call me crazy, but I’ve been with my husband for thirty years, and he’s never seen me without my makeup on, even at 8 in the morning. I just feel so naked and unattractive without it. How can I get over this fear?

Masked Avenger (55)

Dear MA,
I hear this a lot from the baby boomer generation. It has to do with the female archetype that you were raised believing in, and the boomers’ need to adhere to strict gender roles. There is nothing wrong with it. However, I’d like to assert that you may have much better things to do with your time, if you had it.

For instance, think about how long it takes you to get ready for your husband’s viewing pleasure. Now multiply that by seven, then take that number and multiply it by four. Take that number and multiply that by twelve. What did you come up with? For illustrative purposes, we will say it takes you thirty [30] minutes a day to put on your face. Now, that is 210 minutes a week, 840 minutes a month and 10,080 minutes a year.  If we times that by thirty, the number of years you’ve been with your husband, it comes out to 302,400 minutes, which is 5030 hours, or 210 days, or seven entire months! WOW! What could you do with seven whole months of free time? It boggles the mind.

To get over your fear of being with a naked face you can either: take the plunge and walk out of the washroom one morning without your face on and go about your day. Or take it slowly and one day go without the mascara, the next without shadow, and so on until you are makeup free.

Honey, boomers are our longest living generation to date, which means you likely have a lot of years ahead of you. Do yourself a favor and embrace the idea that you are beautiful with or without your face. You will have more free time and you will have a greater sense of self-love because of it. Let me know how it goes!
LL

Dear LL,

My boyfriend asked for some racy pictures of me for his birthday. I’ve never done this before, and I want to give him something tasteful…that’s still going to get his heart pounding! I’d love to hear any advice you might have for me.

Naughty Negligee (36)

Dear NN,
I get this question a lot. I also get the one from the same woman who is trying to get those racy images back from the guy, who she is no longer dating. So, keep this in mind as you set to pose for those sexy pictures. Also know that you don’t know what your future holds, you may one day become hugely successful and these images can come back to haunt you.

Taking all of that into consideration, if you still want to give your man some sexy pics, go with familiar themes: school girl, secretary, nurse, mechanic, dominatrix, etc. Guys tend to connect with stereotypes of sex kittens that they’ve grown up panting over. Wearing the costumes and donning the props that go with each will convey sexuality, while allowing you to keep a decent amount of clothing on. The suggestion of sex is stronger than full-on nudity. So, play this up and dress the part when taking the pictures, and I am sure that you will wind up steaming up the lens.
LL

Letty Livingston is an internationally acclaimed sexpert, dating coach and relationship counselor.  Let Letty help you with your: dating dexterity, communication skills with men, sexual confidence, romantic relationship, and overall appeal to the opposite sex. Send in your questions about dating, sex or romantic relationships to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , along with your age. No attachments. All submissions are considered for publication and names are kept confidential.

Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://letlettyhelp.blogspot.com.    

 
©2008 Letty Livingston: Let Letty Help is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.