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Dear LL,
I am newly single after 20 years of a tumultuous marriage. There are few eligible men in my community and I don't know if I am ready to date. I have a friend that met someone online dating but I don't know if that is right for me. How do I get back in the game as a 45 year old woman?
Fish Outta Water
Dear FOW,
Welcome back to the single life. Some things have changed remarkably since you were on your last date. Michael Jackson is no longer a thriller, Madonna is nothing like a virgin, and a vast majority of unattached people in your age range are online and speed dating. Our lives have been revved to a dizzying pace and methods of meeting that special someone have kept up with life’s head spinning speed. Cyber and speed dating are simply signs of the times. Are they right for you? Only you will know. Should you test the waters? Sure. Why not? Many dating sites allow you to post a profile for free and speed dating is, at the very least, a fun night out.
However, the conventional ways of meeting interesting people still work, one merely has to make the time for them. Granted some folks are so invested in their careers that they simply can’t afford the time it takes to meet someone by traditional methods, so speed or Cyber dating is the way to go, so is speed cooking, speed shopping and so on. But if you have the luxury of time, take a class in something that interests you, log some hours at the gym, visit local specialty grocers or art galleries, go to a book or poetry readings, or join social or political clubs. Exploring your inner self will provide you the opportunity to be around others who have common interests. Time is the underlying factor to the rat race pace of dating these days; so if you can invest some time in yourself, your chances of meeting a likeminded special someone, in a traditional way, will increase exponentially.
Letty
Dear LL,
As I teeter on the edge of menopausal oblivion I wonder, is this "O" going to be my last? Between the hot flashes and the weight gain -- sexy is the last thing I am feeling. Is there any hope for enjoyable sex after 55?
Entering My Autumn
Dear EMA,
If by “O” you mean orgasm, girlfriend, I can assure you that there are many more in your future. In fact, a great deal of women find that once they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant and (or) are off of birth control pills they really can concentrate on having mind-blowing sex.
There are herbs like black cohosh and evening primrose oil that help prevent hot flashes as well soy foods and flax seed oil supplementation, along with many other remedies your doctor can recommend, and as far as the weight gain, get your widening butt to the gym. It is never too late to adopt healthy lifestyle habits. So, if regular exercise and eating a variety of fresh foods is not part of your daily regimen, you had better get started. Once you begin to see and feel the results of healthy living you will begin to sense being sexy again.
Sexy is a state of mind, and a good part of having an orgasm is too. So, choose to be optimistic about orgasms. By merely making that small decision you will already be way ahead of many women who are negative about the situation. Orgasms come to us more readily (pardon the pun) when we are physiologically and psychology in tune and open to experiencing them. So by having your head in the game, half the battle is won. Be mindful that as our bodies change the types of stimuli that get us off may change too. Therefore, never be afraid of experimenting with new positions, amounts of pressure, implements of sensation and stimulation; be them visual, auditory, tactile, or olfactory.
LL
© 2007 elements licensing group and Letty Livingston. Elements for a Healthy Sexlife is intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.
Read more of Letty Livingston’s sage words at http://www.myspace.com/lettylivingston.
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